"There are twelve distinct scars on my body. If I were a man, I could easily be mistaken for Rambo." Chang Kui-chen smiled impishly. Those who didn't know her might think that she had been in a fight, resulting in all the scars on her body.

When Kui-chen was one month old, she was admitted into hospital for surgery to correct deformities of her skull and face. In all, she has had nine operations. However, she is determined not to wallow in self-pity because she has self-pride. At the beginning of this year, she received a diploma in rehabilitation from the Tzu Chi College of Nursing.

A Bodhisattva's Face

Chang Kui-chen was born on the feast day of the Great Compassion Bodhisattva. The birth of a first child brought much happiness to the family, and she was especially loved by friends and relatives because her face resembled the Great Compassion Bodhisattva. Unfortunately, when she just turned a month old, a tumor was found at the back of her head. The whole family was panic-stricken.

She was sent to Hsinchu Provincial Hospital for surgery. Although she survived, her jaw became atrophied and her tongue pressed against her windpipe, thus obstructing her upper respiratory tract. From then on, her childhood was spent in and out of hospital wards and operation theatres. The face of the Great Compassion Bodhisattva disappeared, and so did the happiness that once filled the Chang family.

"I remember when I was three years old, I had a tracheotomy. I couldn't stop crying because I didn't have anesthesia. The surgeon threatened me that he would rupture my neck with his scissors and make me dumb if I didn't stop crying." That terrifying experience still petrifies her. "After the tracheotomy, the nurses had to clear mucus from my windpipe. Before they inserted the tube, they tied up my hands and legs. I felt like I was being strangled and couldn't breathe at all. I felt as if I were being stabbed with a knife. Even though before I had chest pains and I could only take fluids because I couldn't open my mouth, I would rather have that than suffer from the pain of aspirating the mucus. Even now, I still have nightmares." The memory of her past experience choked her with tears, but it has also helped her to understand the suffering of sick people.

Because of her distorted face, people thought she was handicapped. How could a face that once resembled the Great Compassion Bodhisattva turn out like this? "She is our daughter," her parents emphatically told everyone. "Good or bad, we will spend our lives and all our savings to cure her." Being parents for the first time, they really tried everything they could. They had her wear all kinds of talismans. They knelt in front of the moon with incense sticks in their hands, and they prayed that this child with normal intelligence would also have a normal face so that nobody would despise her.

She Can Breath!

She had been a frequent visitor to the hospital ever since she was quite small, and she never considered herself to be abnormal until she attended primary school. From the reactions of her schoolmates, she realised she was different from others. On the third day of school, classmates were transferred to other classes and even to other schools. Parents didn't want to put their children in the same class with a handicapped child. Even when she walked on the streets, her classmates called her "freak", threw stones at her or even hit her with sticks.

Her heart aching, Mrs. Chang went to school to explain to the teachers about her condition. She also reminded Kui-chen to be strong and to overcome her difficulties with courage.

When Kui-chen was eleven years old, her mother had an automobile accident. As a result, she came to know two doctors, Luo Hui-fu and Chen Yu-rui. The Luo Hui-fu Foundation had a committee meeting and decided to invite foreign surgeons to study her case with the view of performing plastic surgery for her.

"They took two ribs to fix my jaw. The operation lasted from 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. My whole face was transplanted." Kui-chen stroked her neck, which bore a scar measuring over ten centimeters [4 in] in length. The scar was left behind after they stitched together the opening of the trachea. By the time Kui-chen was eleven years old, she could breath through her nose like a normal person.

Reports from Experience

Breathing through her nose was an entirely new experience for Kui-chen, and it seemed that she could see the light from the other side of the tunnel. Then another thunderbolt struck her: the ribs that had been transplanted to her jaw started to lengthen, and the wire which fastened the ribs in place began to protrude.

She was twelve years old when she had another operation. She told the doctor she was not afraid, but when she put on the operation gown she started to cry. Still, she tried to persuade her mum to leave the room. As a little girl she cried out of fear, but she was still considerate of the suffering that her family members were going through.

Kui-chen was still not destined to have the face of a bodhisattva. After the operation, her face still kept on growing longer. She was brought back to the operation table again when she was sixteen years old.

In junior high school, Kui-chen continued to face discrimination and alienation from her classmates and teachers due to her distorted face. They gave her nicknames such as "Iron Horse" and "Horse Face". Psychologically, she built a brick wall to isolate herself from her classmates and teachers. She did not talk to anybody. She did not concentrate during lessons. All the time, she sat alone and read her own books. "I studied my ninth grade courses on my own." Kui-chen's calm face showed no sign of sadness, but hinted at her strong personality.

Upon completion of junior high school, she enrolled in the Jen Te vocational high school to study nursing. Her father's words were engraved in her mind: "Ever since you were a kid, you were 'struck' by doctors; when you grow up, you can 'strike' them back." At first, she didn't like to study medicine. She didn't really start to study hard until the second year, and then she became one of the top five students in the class. She felt that her experience as a long-term patient could help a lot of other sick people.

"I started to learn tae kwan do in high school. I had been bullied ever since I was small, and I wanted to get even. I wanted to get back at those people that picked on me. At that time, I was full of hatred." Having grown up in the shadow of violence, she hid her terror behind a belligerent facade. Watching her waving hands, one could almost see the unruly young girl who manufactured a double-jointed club to lash out at any aggressors.

Although she was so full of hatred in high school, the reports that she handed in all concerned diseases of the skull and face. "I was a victim of this illness. The Chang Keng Memorial Hospital would send me literature on a regular basis. As a result, I gathered a lot of materials on this field. The teacher often said that my reports were good. Actually, my reports were based on my own true life experience." Her earnest eyes only made one feel all the more sorry for the hardships she has had to bear.

A Good Brain

After graduating from high school, Kui-chen was accepted into the Tzu Chi College of Nursing to study rehabilitation. As soon as the term began, she formed the Tae Kwan Do Club. Although her physical condition was not the same as other students, she excelled in tennis, tai chi chuan and tae kwan do. "Actually I can't do vigorous exercises. After I have played sports for an hour or so, I can't even climb the stairs."

Although Kui-chen is very active and often leads the rest of her classmates in having some fun, she used to be very quiet and aloof when she first entered the nursing college. She always thought that her body was weak, and so she tried to compensate by being ahead of others in martial arts and in her studies. Before, she only wanted to study hard and after class she would stay in her room. She wouldn't go out to play or mix with others. After she met Master Te Yin and got into the Tai Kwan Do Club, her social circle grew bigger.

"I believed that to study medicine one had to enjoy oneself, otherwise life would be very tough. For example, in the rehabilitation course one had to memorise the names of all the muscles. I often asked my friends which muscle was required to sweep the floor." Even when she was small, Kui-chen was interested in her medical encyclopaedia. She used her brains to achieve good grades in her studies, but she also understood her limitations. She said ruefully that she had originally wanted to be a speech therapist, but when she talked, her mouth did not move the same way as others. Patients could not read her lips to learn to talk.

The rib transplant to her jaw had caused a depression below the bone, resulting in pain in the radial nerves. Once she was accidentally knocked down by one of her classmates and she had to be rushed to hospital. She insisted that Master Te Yin accompany her. She was quite aware that she relied too much on Master Te Yin, but at the same time she also remembered well Master Te Yin's advice: "You have to get back up whenever you fall." Gradually, she turned her dependency on Master Te Yin into care for others. Besides reading medical books, she also enjoyed reading books on Buddhism. She used to go to the Abode of still Thoughts to listen to the masters lecture on humanised Buddhism. "I used to think that if I did a good job in rehabilitation work, the patients would naturally feel my concern for them. From my teachers and the masters at the Abode, I learned the importance of communication."

The Taste of Survival

In the Tzu Chi College of Nursing, Kui-chen was able to open her heart to others despite the fact that she had to live with a distorted face.

Because her jaw kept growing longer, her entire face was out of alignment. At that time, she had a tooth removed. Her jaw was injured, and so she decided to have that long overdue operation done. On 4th August 1996, while she was in her second year of nursing training, she had the fourth surgery on her face.

"When I was young, the doctors told me that my face was deformed. Later they said it was this or that disease." She seemed to be able to accept her illness calmly even though the diagnosis kept changing. There was nothing she could do to stop her face from lengthening.

Every operation brought hope to Kui-chen, but disappointment always followed. After two months of surgery, she could not open her mouth. She was full of despair as well as indignation. "When I realised that the operation was not successful, I felt like giving a pair of glasses to the doctor. I kept crying and threatening to stop studying. Master Te Yin took me to a temple. For a long time, both of us watched the clouds drift by. In February the next year, I went to the hospital for X-rays. I discovered that the joints were not in position. I refused to be operated on again because I had used up so much of my family's money. But Master Te Yin insisted that I should have another operation, so I did."

Hospital in Linkou, Taipei. "Master Te Yin's advice helped me to change my way of thinking. That mistake also helped me to understand the suffering of sick people from their standpoint." She spoke firmly, but her parents' hearts ached to see their beloved daughter going through the operation for the ninth time.

"I had so many operations. Each time I felt any pain, I could moan in front of my parents, Master Cheng Yen and other nuns. But my parents and relatives had no outlet for their grief." She could not bear to see the tears in her parents' eyes. By the first term of her second year, she had completed all her required courses except for her practical work. Due to the operations, she had to postpone her practical work until the following term and so she graduated half a year late. Luckily, her ninth operation was successful. Now, she is working as a rehabilitation worker in Hsinchu.

She has no regrets as she recalls the past. "If I had the chance to do it all again, I would still choose to be a victim of this disease. If you ask me how I feel now, I'll say, 'Wonderful!' Really, isn't it wonderful that one can survive after so much hardship?"