One day, my little daughter told me that I had a wonderful name. I asked her what she meant. "Your name is 'Chih-hui' [wisdom]," she explained. "That's an excellent name. But it's a pity your surname is Lin ["forest ," but a homonym for "zero"], because then your name becomes 'zero wisdom.'"

I was taken aback. Lin Chi-hui, "zero wisdom." "That's right ," I thought. "I don't have any wisdom."

I told my father what his granddaughter had said. "Who says you are 'zero wisdom?'" my father retorted. "I have 'showered' [another Chinese homonym for Lin] you with wisdom , so you are the most intelligent person in the world."

Different sentiments resulting from different interpretations of the same word have made me realize the importance of "understanding." Saying good words may delight not only others, but ourselves as well. Saying bad words may not only hurt people's self-respect, but also throw them into an abyss where no daylight is visible. That is why we should always say good words and harbor good thoughts.

Does My Husband Have a Mistress?

In the past, I really didn't have any wisdom. I would often go to fortune-tellers and ask them not to tell me anything else, only whether my husband had a mistress. To my dismay, every fortune-teller would say that according to my husband's zodiac, he would likely take a mistress.

Each time I returned home after seeing a fortune-teller, I would sit idly in the living room. I felt depressed and didn't know what to do. Then I decided to do all I could to prevent him from having an affair.

I began to track and control my husband. I would call my husband's company every day and ask the switchboard operator to tell me my husband's whereabouts. I would ask her to tell me whether there were telephone calls for my husband from any new girls. If my husband had to go to a work site, I would take a taxi there. Everything would be OK if I found him there. If not, I would raise hell when he returned home that evening.

Because I loved him so much, I played hide-and-seek with him every day. "Where did you go?" I would ask.

"I don't remember, I forgot," he would answer.

"Are you trying to fool me? I'm not a three-year-old kid!"

My husband knew what I was doing. Seeing me in such a fit of anger, he would try to enrage me intentionally. As my wisdom was blocked by my passion, I couldn't understand him. He was playing the role of a director while I was a mere player. I wasn't his match.

A Man Less Than Ten Feet Away

Once I heard Master Cheng Yen tell the following story. "Many people come in tears to seek my advice about a spouse who is having an affair. I tell them that a husband is a man less than ten feet away. Don't take him for granted beyond that distance." I thought she was right.

"Because you have such keen insight," the Master added, "the man you love is also liked by others. It will do no harm if you let others share your insight."

There is another, even more valuable remark. The Master told another woman: "Since you love your husband so much, you should love the one your husband loves."

What useful advice! Why didn't I think of that before? Sitting alone at home, I would often imagine my husband was enjoying a coffee break or dinner with some other woman. After listening to the Master's lessons, I no longer feel ill. I don't jump up in a fit of anger and take a taxi to track my husband.

Now I feel calm and peaceful and I analyze things calmly. Why do I love my husband so profoundly? When we drink coffee or milk, it shouldn't be too thick or else it will taste bitter. But water is different. We can do without coffee and milk, but not without water. Love can be compared to clear water-unselfish and unpolluted.

While I was thinking all this, my mind was suddenly enlightened. I no longer track my husband as before. In the past, my husband liked golfing . I would track him from one golf course to another. I would feel bad if I couldn't find him. When I later asked him where he had been, he would always say: "I didn't know anybody was looking for me! I was there golfing, and I didn't receive any telephone calls."

Now I no longer bother about where my husband is. Instead, he asks me: "Did you forget the telephone number of the golf course? Why don't you call me any more?" I've found that I've won the war against myself. I'm glad that I won, because I'm no longer a prisoner of my infatuation and I've escaped from my emotional whirlpool. I've been wearing a hearty smile ever since.

Be a Gentle Woman

One day when I went to see Master Cheng Yen, I cried. "You are so lucky," the Master said. "Why should you cry?"

"Tzu Chi members usually go to activities in pairs. The husbands are members of the Tzu Cheng Faith Corps, while the wives are commissioners. But I can't convert my husband."

"You aren't clever enough," the Master said. "You aren't gentle or humble enough either."

In the past when my husband said one word, I would use ten words to answer him, throwing him into confusion. After I joined Tzu Chi and listened to the teachings of the Master, I decided to change my habits. When my husband said one word, I would only shoot back three. The Master found that I still wasn't clever enough. At that time, I knelt down before the Master, repented and made a vow: "I shall convert my husband within a year." When I went back home, I cautiously tried to change my habits.

To be frank, in more than twenty years of marriage, I never said "sorry" to my husband. Whether I was right or wrong, my husband had to apologize to me first. Otherwise, I wouldn't say a single word to him for days. Hearing the Master's words, I decided to change my habits and become a good disciple of hers.

One winter day, my husband was sitting on a sofa, his legs covered with a sweater for warmth. The two sleeves of his sweater dangled onto the floor. I came into the living room carrying a cup of tea and nearly tripped over the sleeves. When I sat down on the sofa and was about to give vent to my anger, I recalled the Master's advice that I should be gentle, clever and humble. I apologized to my husband, saying "I'm sorry . It's not that your clothes were in the wrong place. I didn't look carefully."

"This is really something!" my husband exclaimed. "See how long you can keep cultivating your virtue!"

"I'll keep on cultivating my virtue despite any difficulties," I said. "The Master said that you are a good husband, while I am the problem. I must cultivate myself, and I hope you will help me. I'm now building a fire. If you fan the fire, both of our faces will shine brilliantly."

Only now can I speak this way. In the past, I would have quickly strayed from my path and started an argument with my husband. Now I have the wisdom to apologize to him. But now he feels that he has been right all these years. When I say one word, he retorts with ten. I once said to him: "You said when I walked ten steps, you could catch up in one step. You really know how to yell at people."

"I've yielded to your wishes for thirty years," he said, "and now it's my turn to get even."

This remark caught me by surprise and I realized the terrible impact of cause and effect. It's lucky that I've joined Tzu Chi and realized that I have to change. Otherwise if we marry again in the next life, he'll beat me at every meal!

Now let me tell a couple of little stories.

Call of Love

A husband and wife who seldom go to movies saw one the other day. The wife was moved to tears by the heroine's misfortunes: her boyfriend walked out of her life, her parents wouldn't accept her because of her pregnancy, and she was left homeless, hungry and cold on a stormy night. The husband said: "Ah, it's only a movie. Why should you cry ?" On their way home, the wife wouldn't say a single word. "Why won't you say anything?" the husband wondered. "Did I offend you?"

Another husband worked overtime for a month. After getting the overtime pay for that month, the husband suggested happily to the wife: "My dear, let's not cook today. Let's go out to a restaurant!"

"Don't talk so loud," the wife replied. "The doctor next door makes nearly 400,000 dollars [US$14,000] a month, and he doesn't talk as loud as you!"

In the first story, the husband was being reasonable when he pointed out that it was only movie. And perhaps a few thousand extra dollars isn't much to brag about. But we must also be aware that too much reasoning spoils the affection between two people. Most people in the world are unwilling to forgive others when they are in the right. The husband in the first story should have patted his wife's shoulder and said: "Ah, it's a really sad story." The pat on the shoulder would have been a call of love.

If the wife in the second story had also understood the call of love, she would have said: "Great! I don't have to cook or wash dishes tonight! All right, let's go out!"