They are not professionals, but they are diligent. They are willing to learn to make up for their lack of expertise, so they can use their words and actions to grow together with the children.

Someone once said that it was not easy to be a mother. However, it is even more difficult to be a class mother for the Tzu Chi Children's Achievement Class. One only needs to have love and patience. It sounds simple, but in fact it is not an easy job.

The Birth of the Class Mothers

Following Master Cheng Yen's recommendation that Buddhism be learned at an early age, Sisters Li A-li, Liao Fang-mei and Yu Su-chen set up the first Tzu Chi Children's Achievement Class at the Taichung branch in March 1992.

A-li's background was in labor relations, Su-chen was a busy Tzu Chi commissioner, and Fang-mei ran a kindergarten. Thus, at the beginning, only Fang-mei had any experience in children's education.

Although they didn't all know very much about children's education, they loved children. They decided to begin by teaching the children how to get along in daily life. With the support of Sister Lin Mei-li, leader of the Taichung Branch Activity Team, the three of them invited other caring mothers to form the first group of class mothers.

At the beginning, the class in Taichung had one mother for every eight children. Her job was to make sure the children reported to class on time, get them involved in class activities and watch out for their safety. After class, she had to phone the children to tell them about the next class time and things to be aware of. She also talked to parents about how their children were doing in the class.

At present, the ratio between children and class mothers in Taichung is 3:1, and in Pingtung it is 1:1. Such a small, tight-knit group allows children to receive daily Buddhist education in a safe, loving environment.

Filling In the Gaps

Successful parents are the result of a good education. Although class mothers have lots of time and experience in children's education, they still often feel that the children are hard to handle. Thus, mothers are always trying to find resources to sharpen their skills. Some of them learn without any outside instruction. Some of them regularly invite professionals to teach them about child psychology, communication skills, the best ways to deal with teenagers, etc. They also remember to apply the Tzu Chi spirit of mission and humanitarianism in the education of these children.

They are not experts, but they work hard. They are willing to learn in order to overcome their lack of expertise. They use both their words and actions to teach the children about life, and in so doing they achieve personal growth.

Every children's achievement class regularly trains class mothers. In Taichung, trainees help the regular class mothers with taking attendance and looking after the children. Each group of trainees is led by a class mother. After a year, the trainees are evaluated on the degree of their involvement, interaction with the children, sense of responsibility, active participation in the training course, etc. With these qualifications, they can then become regular class mothers.

Interestingly, it was discovered that class mothers were like trainee Tzu Chi commissioners. For example, in the six years since the Children's Achievement Class was established in Taichung, 125 class mothers have become commissioners.

Growing Up with the Children

"Of all the jobs in Tzu Chi, teaching the Children's Achievement Class is the happiest and most relaxed," said A-li. Kindness, compassion, happiness and unselfish giving are mentioned quite often in Buddhist sutras, but all we can see in the Children's Achievement Class is the joy of growing up. When we treat children with love, they learn from their mistakes. When we treat them with patience and thoughtfulness, any conflict between them is transformed into laughter.

If we don't teach our children today, we will regret it tomorrow. Although children don't change immediately, their repayment for the class mother's work can be quite direct. There was a young class mother in Taipei who stopped teaching when she became pregnant. When the children found out about it, they phoned her one by one, telling her to take good care of herself and to get back to the class soon. This touched her very deeply.

Currently, there are ten achievement classes throughout Taiwan, and more are planned in cities like Ilan, Hsinchu and Chiayi. A-li, director of the Taichung Children's Achievement Class, observed that children today mature quite early, so a class mother must be optimistic and have a good sense of responsibility. She needs to treat every child with love, just as she would her own child.

Educating children is the most basic work for purifying the world. Master Cheng Yen said, "Children are our teachers, the ones from whom we can learn." Class mothers need to support and encourage each other in their interactions with the children. After a while, they develop good rapport and ways to handle any unforeseen situation. As they grow together with the children, their own ways of thinking also change and grow. As Fang-mei said, "This is both the Children's Achievement Class and the Mothers' Growth Class."

Dancing with an Angel

By Lin Hsing-hui

The Bible says, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." A child is an angel on earth, dancing with its parents to the pure, simple music of nature. It is the best gift that this world can give to parents.

A Fallen Angel

A divorced mother brought her daughter to us. "Can you teach her about ethics and morality? She has been a troublemaker ever since she was young, and she has transferred to several high schools. Her father doesn't care about her, and I've had to work hard to get schools to accept her. She eats well and dresses well, but what thanks do I get? She even yells at me! I am so grateful that with so many of you here to look after her, I can relax. I don't care about her grades, because if she doesn't have a good character, there is no use in having good grades! So I am just asking you to teach her some good manners, so she can behave properly towards adults."

I found that her child was indeed much more sensitive than others of her age, and she was very temperamental. Before her brilliant smile had faded, tears would roll down her cheeks. When I visited her home one day, she told me of some events from her childhood. I could almost hear that angel falling into the ruins, her heart quivering.

"When I was in elementary school, my classmates often picked on me. I was too scared to go to school, so I often played hooky. One time my mother found me in a video game parlor and she gave me a real beating when we got home. She told me to choose between going to school or staying with my dad, and I chose the latter. However, after a week, I didn't want to live there anymore. My stepmother didn't like me and she didn't want me to touch anything. She even put a lock on the fridge. I simply couldn't stand it anymore.

"Finally, I phoned my mom and told her everything, but she wouldn't listen to me. So I grabbed my backpack and took a bus home. However, my mom wouldn't answer the door. I sat by the door and kept crying, 'Mom! I'm so sorry! I won't skip school anymore!' I cried until dark, and Mom finally opened the door. She kept saying, 'Why are you back so soon? Why didn't you just stay there?' But it felt so good to be back home! I dashed to my room and threw down my backpack. Then I went to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Wow! It was filled with my favorite food! I wanted to go hug my Mon. I saw that her eyes were red, but she looked so stern that I ran back to my room and shut the door."

The girl and her mom's interactions were a mixture of love and chaos. Once after an argument with her mom on the phone, she took off on her motorcycle, riding wildly and recklessly. Her friends became frightened and looked for her everywhere. They worried about her throughout the night. After that incident, her school counselors were extremely concerned about her.

One evening, her mother phoned me. She was furious. "Could you please take my kid? I'm sick and tired of her and I don't want her anymore! I told her not to ride her motorcycle in the evening, because it's too dangerous. I told her not to give me so much trouble. But she shouted back at me and asked why I gave birth to her if I hated her so much. I snapped back, 'I was a whore, so I gave birth to a louse like you!' She made me say it! She made me so angry!"

I tried again and again to calm her down. I told her that if she gave her daughter more time, she would certainly improve. Besides the support of teachers and friends, a mother's blessings are necessary to give a child a good environment for growth. I also mailed her some books in the silent hope that someone else's insights and experiences could help her to see things from a different angle.

A Frightened Angel

I recall that the child once had a quarrel with a school dormitory advisor. She stood before me like a frightened angel, biting her lower lip while tears glinted coldly on her pure face. "It wasn't my fault. I simply told her nicely that a classmate was carrying something heavy and she should help open the door for her. But she told me to mind my own business... Now the whole school knows that I'm a bad student."

The poor angel closed her wings and bowed her head in despair. I patted her shoulder and wished I could embrace her injured heart. I said, "We all admire your sense of justice. You are always willing to stand up for others. You really have guts. It's just that each one of us must learn..."

"I can learn, but I really hate the attitude that adults have towards me, as if I'm always wrong and what they do is always right. Like my mom. No matter what I do, she's never happy." When she spoke of her mother, tears glistened like diamonds at the corners of her eyes.

"It is because we don't like the way things are that we have to learn to change ourselves. Every person has a soft spot. If you can find a good way to communicate, things will work out. As smart and sharp as you are, you can surely find a way."

Actually, what this child needed was love and care from someone she could trust. I didn't know whether our talk would let the angel spread her wings again.

Not long after, her mother phoned to thank me. "She's much better now. She tells her younger brother to spend more time with me, even though she herself still runs off. I have to learn too to make myself a better person and to do more good deeds." It seemed that mother and daughter were dancing more in step with each other.

One day at a hospital, we saw a little child who had been abandoned by his parents. The little one had been badly bitten by insects. He was so horribly red and swollen that he could hardly breathe. The girl suddenly dashed out of the ward, crying bitterly.

"That poor child! I'm so lucky to have my mom who accepts me and helps me grow. Without her, where would I be? I'd be dead by now. I have to thank my Mom. I'm sorry that I make her angry all the time..."

The world is much brighter when a child can appreciate her mother like that.

A Dancing Angel

Children are always right. Their behavior and attitude towards adults are learned from the adults' own daily behavior and speech.

In the fragile marriages today, parents have to shoulder much more responsibility and anxiety, and even the children have to carry a lot of pressure and uneasiness. If the parents can put away their demands and their heavy expectations, the children will be able to soar with spread wings and dance with the angels. And that is the best gift the parents can give back to the world.

A Mother Tells All

By Lu-kuang

She hoped her son could fulfill the dreams she couldn't fulfill in her youth. But sadly, her expectations were a burden that her son's little shoulders could not support.

The Child Was Not Me

Last year, my oldest son A-pin was about to enter twelfth grade in a vocational high school, where he was majoring in interior design. That evening after school registration, he didn't come downstairs for supper so I asked my second son where A-pin was. He had a serious look on his face, but he tried to sound casual. "He's sleeping! He said that we should go ahead and eat." I wasn't convinced, so I went up to his room and opened his door. He wasn't there, so I opened the bathroom door, and... Oh, no! What had happened? A-pin was lying in the bathtub in only his underwear, vomit still dripping from his mouth. He simply lay there and murmured drunkenly: "They wouldn't let me register because I failed too many courses. They kicked me out. What'll I do?"

Seeing him so wretched, my heart ached. At that moment, the last of my illusions evaporated. I asked myself if I had been teaching him wrong. I didn't expect him to excel academically. I just hoped he could do well in his vocational classes to fulfill the artistic dreams of my own youth. Had my high expectations given him so much pressure?

I recalled that Tzu Chi members had helped other people with their problems, so I phoned the Tzu Chi branch office in Taichung. The person at the other end of line said to me gently, "Don't worry, just clean him up and let him get some sleep. He'll probably be okay when he wakes up tomorrow."

My husband was in Hualien on business, so my second son and I took turns looking after A-pin throughout that whole night. At dawn, he slowly woke up. He gripped my hand and said with a shaky voice, "Mom, the school won't take me anymore. Am I stupid?" I replied immediately, "You are so smart that I don't know how to teach you. That's all over now. Just think of the whole thing as an experience. You should get right back up whenever you fall."

It was time for me and my husband to reflect on how we had been educating our children. We were poor long ago, and we had to let my husband's brother take care of A-pin while we worked. However, under his severe, violent discipline, A-pin lost his happy childhood. Now because of our busy work schedules, we still didn't have much time to share in our children's lives, and we again let the joy of their youth slip by.

I realized what I had always forgotten: the child was not me. He had his own strengths and his own shortcomings. He should only have to shoulder the pressure he was able to carry at his age. I should not set a standard for him and then demand that he achieve that standard.

I once attended a Tzu Chi course on children's education. After each class I was filled with joy, but when I got home I felt I had failed as a mother. "A mother who always blames herself is a failure." "It's okay if your child isn't a good student, as long as he is well-behaved and healthy." Every time I recalled Master Cheng Yen's words, I always felt ashamed of myself.

A-pin's school wasn't what I had hoped for, but come to think of it, if he did as well as he could in school, wasn't that good enough? Unfortunately, there was an unreasonable side of me that would not yield, and in spite of myself I demanded that he meet my standards in every way. For a long time, he had had to bear so much extra pressure.

In our everyday life, we all have to experience joy, anger, sadness and happiness. As long as the child can hold himself together, I believe that all these experiences are good for him.

Love Without Domination

By Li Wei-huang

In his book The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran wrote about children:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

However, just like Lu-kuang, who demanded so much from A-pin, don't many other mothers dominate their children?

Lu-kuang confided to me that because of a congenital cataract, A-pin had had to wear huge, thick glasses since he was young. His appearance made her embarrassed and angry, and she often took out her resentment on him.

Now when she thinks about it, Lu-kuang feels that because of those emotions, she never showed much love or care to A-pin. On the contrary, she generally felt sorry for herself, wondering how she had given birth to such a child.

One time she went to A-pin's school to give him his box lunch. She discovered that the physical education teacher thought that A-pin was mentally retarded and had expelled him from the class. At that moment, Lu-kuang suddenly realized that A-pin had had to swallow a great deal of such injustice. She also realized that there was a wide gap between her and A-pin that needed to be bridged.

After Lu-kuang joined Tzu Chi and attended classes on parent-child relationships, she was able to truly realize how she had been raising A-pin. She was then able to abandon her authoritarian style of education and her demanding ways.

That incident when A-pin tried to drown his sorrows in drink was a wake-up call to her. It made her see how stubborn she had been in raising her children. She used to wonder why her child was still like this after she had become a Tzu Chi member. Now she realized that she had never noticed her child's real needs.

When A-pin took the vocational school entrance exam, he had wanted to major in television broadcasting, but to satisfy his mother's demands and expectations, he chose interior design instead. In the end, the more sedate nature of this field suppressed his youthful energy and high spirits.

"Whenever anything happened, he would never tell me when he came home. When I think of it now, I feel I was a failure as a mother." Although Lu-kuang felt ashamed of A-pin's cataract, it was actually the result of her contracting measles during her pregnancy and treating herself with over-the-counter medicine. She finally admitted her fault and apologized to A-pin.