I know that,
just like everyone else,
I have the ignorance of greed, anger and delusion in my heart.
My ignorance is very stubborn,
Yet because of my experience with Buddhism
I am not totally helpless.
"A room darkened for a thousand years can be brightened by a single
lamp."
The Buddha is
The one who lights the lamp!

I have admired Buddhism for a very long time, although my attraction to it grew without my realising it. I only started painting portraits of Kuan Yin, the Great Compassion Bodhisattva, after I experienced great shock and pain at the sudden illness and death of my mother. In our modern culture, we often put a pretty fa蓷de on things that happen and ignore the sufferings that go along with them. Because of this, modern people are often overwhelmed with terror when facing death.

My Mother and Kuan Yin

When my father died, I was still in France. By the time I returned to Taiwan, I had already accepted the fact of his death and my grief subsided quickly. I did not understand how painful it could be to deal with the suffering and death of loved ones.

About fifteen years ago, my mother fell terribly ill. Tubes were inserted everywhere in her body and she almost needed artificial lungs to help her breathe. I needed a lot of courage to visit her. Every day I went to the hospital, it felt like I was jumping into a freezing swimming pool in winter.

One day in the intensive care unit, just as I was drawing the yellow curtains, I looked down at the busy streets of downtown Taipei where young people walked happily. I felt that we were in two different worlds! I wanted to yell at these people: "Do you know that there is so much pain and suffering here?" That day, I felt that my heart also needed intensive care.

I became a true Buddhist many years after my mother passed away. It was then that I understood that the death of loved ones is a compassionate lesson in the impermanence of life.

The Buddha also faced the sufferings of this world before he began his journey to attain enlightenment. If we cover up the suffering, the Buddhism is also meaningless. I believe that the Buddha was trying to teach us how to deal with the sufferings of life and how to achieve liberation from them. If one does not understand the suffering of birth, aging, sickness and death, one will not be able to understand Buddhism.

The death of my mother motivated me to transform my feelings into practice. My mother was a very modest, traditional woman. I can never forget her love and her compassion. When she became ill, I started to paint portraits of Kuan Yin, the Great Compassion Bodhisattva. After her death, I began to display those portraits in the Lion Gallery, one painting per month for three years. I donated all the money from the sales to support needy children. I thought to myself that this was just like the love of a mother for her children.

Because of my admiration of Buddhism, I chose to draw portraits of Kuan Yin. Looking back at it afterward, was my heart calm when I did those drawings? Decidedly not! The death of my mother brought me great suffering, and it was only through painting the portraits of Kuan Yin that I acquired peace and tranquillity.

To draw Kuan Yin, I used a very sensitive tool-a brush. The brush is like the heart of a Chinese-extremely sensitive. The Xuan paper that I used is the same: a single touch can achieve an effect, but if it is not straight, the whole thing is bad.

Drawing Kuan Yin is very different from drawing traditional Chinese paintings of mountains and water. Every stroke has to be calm and even, and my breathing must also be even. After a great deal of practice, I felt that a nerve had extended from my finger to the tip of the brush. I knew how much I had already done and how much further I could go. I also discovered that I could extend this kind of feeling to my everyday life.

Dharma and My Experience

After I had begun to paint Kuan Yin, I immersed myself in studying Buddhism. I read very widely and gradually acquired an understanding of the teachings.

I went with some friends to Kapilavastu (the Buddha's birthplace) in Nepal. There, in the golden light of sunset, we read the ancient inscriptions done by King Asoka about two thousand years ago. We admired the huge Bodhi tree beside the pool of water. All this made me felt that how real it was that the Buddha had walked here two thousand five hundred years ago! What a beautiful place! What a beautiful story!

A couple of years later, I also went to India to visit the historical remains of Buddhism. Every place where the Buddha walked, every archaeological artifact that I saw, all made the image of the Buddha in my heart ever more real.

I still think that Buddhism is really miraculous. Two thousand five hundred years ago, the Buddha sat under the bodhi tree. He saw the bright stars in the night sky and he said, "I know." What he realised was that everyone has the wisdom and virtue of a buddha. It is because of their delusions and attachments that they cannot acquire them or attain enlightenment. Because this mystery was contrary to natural human ignorance, he hesitated to talk about it. In the end, he decided to share the truth with all people. He went to Deer Park near Varanasi (Benares) and preached to his first five disciples.

When the Buddha first started to lecture, he talked about the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path. (The Four Noble Truths are suffering, the arising of suffering, the cessation of suffering, and the way leading to the cessation of suffering. The Noble Eightfold paths are right understanding, right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration.) These teachings may not seem like much at first, but if one studies further, one will realise how broad and profound they are.

The teachings of the Buddha created a new page in human history. People unceasingly studied them, and the original Buddhism developed into many branches like Mahayana, the Esoteric Sect, etc. Through generation after generation, Buddhism accumulated a vast, beautiful culture and philosophy.

I believe that Taiwan has become an excellent place to learn about Buddhism. Convenient communications and the interest shown by many people have made all forms of Buddhism develop in abundance. It is as if all of time were compressed here.

It is easy to get lost in all this luxurious beauty, but we can always fall back on the original teachings of the Buddha-the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Paths. If these can be found in the teachings of a sect, then that sect is following a good line of development.

I used to love literature and I felt that literature was the most important thing in my life. Later, I discovered that literature is rather like a mirror: if it reflects a true image, then it is a work of art. Good art is a good mirror. When one looks at it carefully, one can see the limitations, ignorance and suffering in life. Philosophers and psychologists all try to understand these. However, I discovered that Buddhism-this brilliant, profound school of oriental psychology-is not only a mental exercise, but an experience. Therefore, Buddhism has become the most central part of my life, much more inportant than art or literature. If art does not explore and try to understand the hardships in life, then it is meaningless.

I believe my life has gone through several stages. At first I put all my efforts into exploring art and literature. Now I put Buddhism ahead of art and literature. However, I no longer feel that that Buddhist books are the most important. I have slowly turned from a rational, metaphysical approach to inner experience.

The process of moving from understanding Buddhism through rationalization to experiencing it in the heart is a long one and there are a lot of details which I cannot spell out clearly. But I am very sure that if we can comprehend the essence of that first lesson (the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Paths) that the Buddha taught at Deer Park, we can be sure that we have not deviated too far from the right path.

I no longer think of searching for the wisdom of Buddhism in books. Instead, I set aside time each day for meditation to discern the seeming from the real. This is an ancient and profound method, but I feel that it is the key to improving myself. The time that I spent on reading was not wasted as it laid a good foundation for me to rationally perceive the essence of Buddhism. However when one has reached a certain stage, one has to put one's understanding into practice, or else it will all be useless.

Giving and Guarding the Heart

I used to think that the concepts of kindness, compassion, joy, and unselfish giving came from Mahayana Buddhism. When I studied the Agama sutras, I discovered that the Buddha actually taught these concepts to his son, Rahula. However, when the Buddha taught his son, he talked about kindness, compassion, joy, and "guarding the heart". I checked the Buddhist dictionary, which said that the two terms were interchangeable.

Sometimes people do not know how to take good care of their own hearts, and they make themselves miserable. How can they avoid this? Our karma changes at every moment. When the time for one thing comes, something else must end. For example, if I talk with you for an hour, then an hour of my life will have gone by. Whether gain or loss, I must let all of it go. It's not a question of giving up or not giving up, but a matter of taking care of my heart.

A lot of people are unwilling to let things go, and they try to cling to them. They are too conscious of what they have or who they are. This leaves a heavy weight in their hearts. They need to learn how to let go of their attachments in order to be able to take good care of their hearts. Giving and guarding are important concepts of Buddhism.

The Dalai Lama once said that the way of Buddha is a way of the heart. Before we can learn to be compassionate to others, we must first learn to be compassionate to ourselves. As a mother cares for her child, we should patiently look after our hearts. When we guard our hearts well, we will know how to be truly compassionate towards others. This thoroughgoing care of the heart also means letting go of our attachments, and it is also a kind of giving. This is something I am still learning!

The Buddha once told a parable. One day, an eagle caught a sparrow in the sky. "Why am I so unlucky?" the sparrow cried sadly. "If I had stayed at home, you would not have been able to catch me." " I have great strength and power," the eagle said proudly. "Even if you hide in your home, I can still catch you." The eagle then let go of the sparrow. With a chirp, the sparrow quickly flew away and hid in a little hole under a rock. The eagle laughed and swooped down to catch the sparrow. However, he flew too fast, smashed into the stone and died instantly.

The Buddha said, "You must treat your heart like a fortress and use it to defend yourself against the ignorance of greed, anger and delusion."

This all has to do with guarding our hearts. It is terrifying to see our hearts running around like wild horses. Sometimes when an hour has passed, we realise that we have spent it all in daydreams. In our imaginations, things are inflated until they are like the big eagle, flying wildly, uncontrollably in the sky. In this situation, how can we guard our hearts? The Buddha told us to keep our bodies and minds in a peaceful state.

There are many good ways to maintain our tranquility. One way is to train ourselves to concentrate on our breathing. When all our attention is focused on our breathing, we can prevent our thoughts from galloping wildly about. If a bad thought or distraction arises, we can be aware of it and break it off before it becomes uncontrollable.

Whenever we get angry and feel like yelling at people, we should first take three deep breaths. We can then observe our anger objectively and realise that it is not the substance of our entire being, but only an emotion that can be controlled. I call this "learning to behave like the Buddha by guarding our hearts." If we can practice this method successfully, we will become highly cultivated people. We will acquire the ability to objectively observe the changes in our minds, and we will eventually be free from this kind of ignorance.

Saving Oneself and Saving Others

The situations or events that we run into are often the results of the karma that we ourselves have created. Karma is not limited by time or space, and it is not strictly individual: there is group karma in the family or nation, etc. What we experience in our life is usually due to our own karma and what everybody experiences together is due to the common group karma.

Group karma has a lot to do with our hearts. I may not be able to change or influence other people, but I can at least start by taking good care of my own heart. If I can make good observations, no matter how small, I can sincerely share them with others. Someone who can guard his heart properly will not create bad karma. The joyfulness that we attain through guarding our hearts will shine forth and influence others.

To me, the most brilliant aspect of Buddhist art is that the Buddha and bodhisattvas are portrayed as compassionate and introspective. If we are able to examine our hearts clearly and train our minds and bodies, we will achieve wisdom, which will produce a feeling of comfort and good humour toward life. This kind of peaceful joyfulness-which is a kind of compassion and redemption-can influence others.

Master Guang Qin said: "It is so difficult to save others!" That is because no matter what you say, people will turn a deaf ear to you. The important thing is whether or not you have saved yourself. If you have, you will feel joyful and your face will shine with compassion. People will wonder why you look so happy, and then it will be easier to save them. If you are glum and long-faced, no one will be interested.

When we have acquired inner security and comfort, it will show on our faces. Even if it is only a little, it will show that there has been a fundamental change in our character. Buddhism is an effective psychology and the best medicine that I have ever had. For me, the Buddha is a great doctor.