A wealthy young wife blessed with long leisure hours and money to buy fancy jewelry should be a happy woman. Instead, she felt she was suffering. Why?

I was a housewife who lived in a big family and had a maid to do all the housework. In order to kill time, I packed my daily schedule with lessons in English, aerobics, flower arrangement and ceramics * everything a housewife could ever want.

Busy But Blind

I frequently went shopping in department stores, but after a while that became boring. When I chatted with my friends, we had superficial conversations that didn't touch on anything important. Most of the dialogues were also very negative. Generally, they were either about my mother-in-law criticizing me or about my father and sister-in-law talking about me behind my back. Because of my own failure to perform a housewife's role well, I always felt that everybody was saying something bad about me.

Every morning after I woke up, I would call my friends to complain about how miserable my life was. But my relatives thought I was living in heaven because I didn't have to worry about the practical burdens in life. The truth was that in my heart I was living in hell because I was so unhappy. The only concerns I had were where to pass the time in the afternoon and where to eat supper in the evening.

Ten years ago, I would throw away a dress that cost NT$8,000 [about US$300] and that had been worn only a few times just because my friends had already seen it. I constantly hopped from shop to shop looking for new dresses. I concentrated on my own enjoyment and never cared about others.

My sister-in-law married the son of a tycoon who owned a famous hotel in Taipei. Because she lived in affluence, I always compared myself to her. When she dressed in a European fashion, I would dress in an American style. Whenever a new diamond ring appeared on her finger, I would go home and quarrel with my husband about getting a ring too so that I wouldn't lose face. I was leading a life dominated by comparisons and imitations. Although I was dressed attractively and maintained a good physical appearance, my inner self was anything but pretty.

Now, I'm finally beginning to understand what it means to open my mind. Good feelings will develop only after you open your mind. When you open your mind, you like everyone more and everyone likes you back. A narrow mind pushes away those who want to connect with you.

Awake From a Deep Dream

The death of my father-in-law hit me square to the head. He was a rich man when he was alive, but when he died, all he took with him was the underwear he was wearing. He left everything else behind.

Some time later, I heard Master Cheng Yen say, "When you die, nothing but your own karma will accompany you." People fight throughout their lives just to win more material possessions. But when we're ready to leave the world, we cannot take our possessions with us. Only our good deeds and spirit remain in the human world. All the other things disappear.

A revelation came to me the day my father-in-law passed away. I was 20 years old then, and I realized that if I passed the rest of my life like my father-in-law, eating luxuriously and living extravagantly, then I could end up dying insignificantly! What is the meaning of such a life?

I asked a Tzu Chi commissioner to take me to Hualien to visit Master Cheng Yen. When I told the Master about my problems, she gave me a simple prescription: visit the poor. So, dressed in a well-fitting skirt and wearing a pair of high heels, I went with the commissioners to visit the poor. As it turned out, I went home crying every time we finished a visitation. Someone like me, living such a comfortable life, could hardly imagine or have the chance to see those who lived in such misery. While I was all distressed over how to please and enjoy myself, I never bothered to care about the rest of the society.

Those experiences with the poor launched me into a deep self-reflection. Now, I was thinking not about what clothes I would buy next, but about how to give something to society in the latter half of my life. I began to take my work for Tzu Chi very seriously. I used to drive a car wherever I went. Since I became a commissioner, I still drive to places, but my mind is preoccupied with thoughts for other people. Little by little, the Master cleansed my mind. Life is fleeting. No one can tell what will happen tomorrow. That's why I should seize this present moment.

I had a friend who came from a wealthy family. Every time I asked her to go to Hualien to learn about Tzu Chi, she would tell me, "OK, I'll go next time." All her life she had two big wishes * to have a gorgeous office (she worked in a trading company) and to have a villa where she could enjoy herself.

She attained those two goals. The office was beautiful and the villa was lavishly decorated, but she no longer has the chance to enjoy them. She suffered a stroke and became paralyzed. At the age of 39, she now lives in the hospital's intensive care center.

Don't Leave Life Blank

I was discontented before, and that was why I led an unhappy life. Now I'm happy because I have a grateful heart. Before I became involved with Tzu Chi, I was mean to my husband because I thought that since I was good-looking and was willing to marry him, I deserved to be given everything good to eat, to wear, to live in and to be at my disposal. I never appreciated the fact that my husband was working so hard. Since I entered Tzu Chi, I've become much more loving and caring. My husband once told Master Cheng Yen: "I'm much obliged to you. Thank you for turning her into a dear, gentle wife. That was something I had never imagined possible." Truly, the Master is a great educator.

The essence of Buddhism lies in its practice rather than in some profound, abstract theory. But many of us just read sutras instead of putting what is taught in the sutras into practice in our daily lives. I used to speak loudly with a harsh tone. But after I became a Tzu Chi commissioner, I softened my voice to make it sound more pleasant. My husband had trouble getting used to it at first. He would say, "Don't pretend. you don't have to speak so softly. You don't have to change so much." I would tell him. You are going to get used to my soft voice because the Master taught her followers to reduce themselves from 'eight sound channels to four sound channels to one sound channel."'

Throughout my life, many good friends have been my teachers as well. One 70-year-old commissioner told me that she once shed tears after hearing the saying, "The setting sun is so beautiful, only it's near the end of the day." She said, "I'm 70 years of age. I didn't know about Tzu Chi until I was 69. Isn't it a crying shame? I've wasted more than 60 years. And you, you came to Tzu Chi at such a young age. You've done the right thing to make your life meaningful."