One evening when I was having my supper, a father phoned me and asked for my address. He wanted to make a list of his son's bad ways and mail it to me, hoping that I could help him correct his son.

I told him I could help him, but I asked him to list his son's good qualities from the past three-month period instead.

He was silent for a while. He finally said that the reason he called was that he wanted me to help change his son's bad behavior.

I informed him clearly that if parents only see the bad qualities of a child all the time, those faults will become more serious. But if the parents pay attention to the child's good side and praise him whenever possible, he will certainly become a good child.

Difficult To Be A Parent?

I was on the phone for almost an hour with him, but he still could not stop talking about his boy's problems, such as fighting, smoking, skipping classes, etc. Whenever he mentioned one of those, I simply replied, "It isn't important!"

Finally he asked helplessly, "What if I say something nice to him and he still doesn't listen?"

I told him that the reason why any child will not listen to his parents is that the parents are too hard on the child. With an authoritarian tone of voice, they tell the child that he "should" do this and that he "should not" do that. Even grown adults could not accept such a tone of voice.

I suggested that he tape a conversation between himself and his boy and then listen to it again from the child's viewpoint. I guaranteed that he would not be able to listen to the whole tape.

He kept sighing and laughing bitterly throughout the conversation. "When we were children, our parents came first. Now that we are parents, our children come first. What an evil fate!"

I did not know what else I could say. When a parent refuses to change and grow, it is not likely that his child will do so. From my experience, I feel that this father still has a lot of problems ahead of him.

The Fruit of Hope

Forgiving and complimenting other people not only makes them feel better, but will also bring tranquility and happiness to ourselves. Demanding that others change to suit us while refusing to change ourselves only brings frustration and torment to both sides.

If a parent demands respect and obedience from a child while ignoring the child's needs and feelings, the child will certainly respond with unruliness and rebelliousness. Instead of hating and scolding, the parents should take a step back and give the child more space for reflection.