The first time I saw Sister Lin, I could not believe my eyes. In front of me was a person who looked so tender and kind! I began to wonder if what I had heard about her was vicious gossip. Nevertheless, when it came to talking about her past, Sister Lin burst into tears. Every word she uttered overflowed with repentance and gratitude. It took Sister Lin two hours to finish her story through her tears!

The following is the story narrated by Sister "Le-shan Lin." (To protect the privacy of the party concerned, the name employed here is fictitious.)

I was born in an underworld family, with eight brothers and sisters plus a mother who enjoyed making trouble for us. We quarreled with each other frequently. Sometimes, we even fought each other violently. Growing up in such an unusually violent family, I suffered great anguish which no one ever knew about. Life for me was nothing but endless darkness. As I grew older, I started to indulge myself in drinking, hoping that I could become numb to the misery and sorrow surrounding me.

Later, I fortunately married an honest, kind husband. However, instead of counting my blessings, I constantly got drunk and used bitter words to provoke him. Eventually, even such a tolerant and patient man as my husband could no longer stand me. He left in deep sorrow.

Leading a Hellish Life

After my husband left me, I did not repent what I had done. Instead, I lost my temper and got angry even more easily. I made life hell for the people around me. I brought them nothing but suffering and torture.

My son and daughter were miserable, because I yelled at them or beat them whenever I was in a bad mood. My son was especially wretched. I often beat him severely, treating him as if he were my most hated enemy. Sometimes, I forced him to kneel down in the street for hours, even though he begged for mercy over and over again, or his legs had been beaten so severely that he could not stand upright. When some passers-by who sympathized with my son came up and tried to urge me to make peace, I berat and cursed them instead, which made my son even more embarrassed.

I ran a little stall at a night market. If my son failed to bring my dinner on time, I got angry and threw the meal he brought into the street. Purposely insulting him in the presence of all the onlookers, I knocked my cart over and then forced him to clean up the mess. My poor son could only meekly do as I commanded and push the cart home.

One day, my son did not wash his lunch box. In a fit of rage, I decided not to make his lunch the following day. At noon, however, I suddenly felt disturbed and uneasy. I slipped into his classroom, only to find that his desk was piled up with food. On seeing me, my son's teacher came toward me and said, "Your son is very well-behaved. He is not only a responsible student, but a good leader as well. Every student in my class likes him. The food on his desk was given to him by his classmates." The teacher went on: "He is a good boy, you should try to understand him with a loving heart." So cynical and cruel was I that I responded sarcastically, "If I did not treat him with love, he would most likely have run away from home already." Failing to perceive that my son was making great efforts to put up with me, I did nothing but hurt him.

Cruel "Love"

Perhaps through the guidance of Buddha, a Tzu Chi sister came to talk to me about Tzu Chi's spirit and Master Cheng Yen. I started to donate money to Tzu Chi. However, the only thing I knew was to donate money. I did not try to understand the spirit of Tzu Chi, nor did I follow Master Cheng Yen's teachings to cultivate my morality. Inside, I was just as bad as before. I was still very mean to my son.

My son loved to play basketball and his performance was so brilliant that he was allowed to enter a prestigious senior high school without taking the entrance exam. Yet, instead of acknowledging his achievement, I often refused to provide him with the daily allowance that he badly needed. In order to earn money for his living expenses, he was forced to practice basketball during the day and work a part-time job at night. Having to work at night and not having any parental care, my son began to take amphetamines. While under the influence of drugs, he would speed on his motorcycle on the streets. Time and again he was caught by the police. Finally, he was taken into a juvenile detention house.

Show Mercy Even to Strangers

It was at this time that I came to realize that I was completely destroying my son's bright future! I went to the Abode of Still Thoughts in Hualien, where I knelt in front of the Buddha and the bodhisattvas in the main sanctuary and prayed for guidance and help.

Perhaps Buddha and the bodhisattvas heard my prayers! One day, I bumped into Brother Chou Yuan at the Tzu Chi Taipei Branch Office. He kindly advised me: "You must first learn to show your care and concern even for people you don't know. By doing so, you can cultivate the spirit of 'Great mercy even to strangers and great compassion for all.' Only then will your son sense your kindness and love. The wound in his heart will then be healed."

In an effort to save my son, I took Brother Chou's advice and changed my trade from selling clothing to selling vegetarian food. At the beginning, I faced a lot of setbacks and difficulties due to the limited knowledge I had of this line of work. I quit smoking and drinking. To mend my old bad habits and purify myself, I volunteered to do resource recycling in the night market. Every evening, when I finished my business, I sorted the garbage. After several months, other peddlers began to imitate me in recycling the garbage. I was very happpy about that!

Meanwhile, I also volunteered to clean the public toilets in the night market every day. One day, when I was just about to do the cleaning, a young girl, a peddler who worked on the opposite side of my stand, was about to use the toilet. I told her, "Wait a second, please. Allow me to clean and wash the toilet first, so that you will feel more comfortable while using it." This girl was noted for her rebellious character, but upon hearing my words, she was rather moved. After that, she no longer greeted me rudely. Instead she started to address me as "Aunty Lin" and often came to talk with me.

In the past, the peddlers in the night market were inclined to settle disputes with knives and fists. Now they have joined me and become Tzu Chi members who can treat each other with courtesy. The people working in the market often refer to me as "Amitabha Buddha," which moves me very much.

That was my new life (doing resource recycling by day and selling vegetarian food at night. I dared not complain, even though I was exhausted when I went home. Instead, I regarded it as a way of repentance and redemption.

A Crisis Is Also a Turning Point

When my son noticed the change in my attitude, he was gradually willing to come to my food stand to give me a hand. Nevertheless, although he seemed to have a good time with me, he was still reluctant to open up his heart to me.

Perhaps by the merciful arrangement of Buddha and the bodhisattvas, a dramatic incident happened which changed the relationship between my son and me. That day when I had just returned home from a Tzu Chi activity, I was informed that my son had had a serious car accident on the highway, and he was in a coma in the hospital. He had been on an outing with an army buddy. The rented car that my son had been driving ran off the road and was totally smashed. My son was held responsible for the accident, but I promised to pay the damages. Frankly speaking, I did not know how much money it would be or where I could raise the money. Besides, I already had a NT$2 million mortgage yet to be paid. But I took the responsibility. I owed my son too much, and it was time for me to pay him back.

While looking after my son in the ICU, I prayed to Kuan Yin, the Great Compassion Bodhisattva, asking her to bless my son kindly and mercifully. I worked even harder to make as much money as possible to pay off the medical fees and the compensation for the damages.

Mistakes and Gratitude

Fortunately, my son regained consciousness. I advised him to chant the holy name of the Great Compassion Bodhisattva whenever he could. He not only took my advice, but prayed to the Bodhisattva to bless me in return, which made me feel very warm. For fear that my son would worry and feel guilty, I did not tell him about my financial pressures, but simply told him to get a good rest and to cooperate with the doctors and nurses.

One day, when my daughter wondered why I had not yet shown up at the ward, my son immediately exclaimed, "Don't complain! Don't you understand that Mom is so busy because of me?" Upon seeing me enter the ward, my son, ignoring the presence of so many other people, knelt down before me and said, "Mom, please don't work so hard. Let me shoulder the responsibility for my misdeeds." At first I was taken aback in surprise, but then I could not help but hold him in my arms. Both of us burst out crying, confessing our faults and expressing our gratitude to each other.