This is the true story of Johnny, a former gangster who was sentenced to a maximum of fifty years in a U.S. prison. During his time in jail, he and a friend underwent a spiritual renewal and came to know Tzu Chi through its published newsletters. Their repentance has touched many people, and Tzu Chi members hope to organize a Buddhist group to teach the philosophy of Buddha in prison.

Many youths think that gangsters are cool. Movies portray them as having beautiful girlfriends, money, and power. However, that image is not real life. It's not fun and it's not cool to see your friends get shot or killed. I have been there. I would like to tell you about the darkness that is hidden behind the images and the never-ending fear and pain that all gangsters have. I have seen Death before me. A lot of my friends are now six feet underground and have left their families eternal sadness and memories. Because of my guilt and a lack of words, I can never be reclaimed by my family and my friends can never come back. I am twenty-one years of age, anmd I have gone through hell. If I had listened to my father, perhaps I wouldn't be here in jail now. I had always thought my father made up stories about the fate of gangsters to scare me, so I never believed him. Now I wish that I had. I hope other youths will listen and believe their parents' stories of gangsters and be spared the pain that I am going through.

If anyone had told me five years ago that I could be an "A" student, I would have laughed at him. I always thought books and I were born enemies. I could never understand books nor could books understand me. When I was little, my grandmother said certain people were just not good at studying, so I thought I was one of them. She also led me to believe that education was not vital to success, so I assumed all my efforts at doing well in school would just be wasted. The lazy me liked that excuse. I was not into studying, so I was satisfied as long as I just passed all my classes. I really thought that was the best I could do.

That belief almost destroyed my life. School was like a big playground for me. I never paid attention in class and always fooled around. Meanwhile, invaluable time and knowledge slipped right by me. I came to America at the age of 12. The loose American educational system turned me into a wild party animal. I cut most of my classes and hung out with bad friends and gang members. The only reason that I know how to speak basic English was because I had a few foreign girlfriends. Their love notes, written in English, gave me the opportunity to learn a little English vocabulary.

Eventually, I ended up in jail, which made my life worse at first. Because I couldn't read, I signed statements at the police station without knowing their content. Half the time I couldn't understand any of the things my lawyer was telling me. All I did was nod my head and pretend that I knew everything. I was a total fool. It took a lot for me to wake up. I had to learn everything the hard, painful way.

When I came to jail, I had plenty of time to think about how miserable and dark my life was. I was seventeen with no future ahead of me. I could barely speak English and I had less than a seventh grade education. I couldn't envision myself being successful, happy, or with a family. All I could see was death, misery, and endless pain. I could see the same vision imprinted on the faces of everyone who was in jail with me. I didn't want to live this kind of life. I wanted a change, a change in my life. I started to study Buddhism and pray seriously to Buddha.

It is incredible how I came to know Tzu Chi. It must have been meant to be. I was with my friend David, who had been in the same gang with me and who now had a maximum life sentence. We were both in the darkness, searching for the light and a way to change. David's mother knew we were studying Buddhism to change our lives. She had somehow gotten hold of some Tzu Chi newsletters, and she sent them to us. To this day, I still clearly remember how David came to me with the Tzu Chi newsletters in his hands. He described to me how great Tzu Chi was and the good things they had done, and he insisted that I must read the newsletters right there. Although I thought David was exaggerating, all doubts ceased after I started reading the newsletters.

Growing up in the cold-hearted city where people distrust each other and keep to themselves, I never knew there were so many good-hearted people in this world. I never thought that in this dog-eat-dog world, there would be people like those in Tzu Chi, who willingly sacrifice for the benefit of others, giving selfless love and care to those in need without asking for anything in return. Tzu Chi showed us how good it feels to be good and to be able to help others.

David and I were desperate to help, though there was not much we could do. Finally, we decided that we would each donate $100 to Tzu Chi. We knew that a hundred dollars was a drop in the bucket, but that was the best we could do. We were making less than 25 cents an hour. Even though our friends laughed at us, saying we were crazy to donate money to Tzu Chi, we knew we were doing the right thing for the first time in our lives. The inner pride and happiness that we got knowing that we were able to put in our little effort to Tzu Chi Were priceless. Nobody could take that away from us.

The motivation and support Tzu Chi gave us have helped us through many difficult times and given us unlimited motivation to strive to do better. I studied hard for the GED, a certificate equivalent to a high school diploma, and planned to attend college while in prison. I wanted to make my life meaningful. In the morning, I would go to the GED school, where teachers helped me in my studies. In the afternoon, I would go to the electrical shop to learn some electrical skills. At night and on weekends, I would go to the law library to study law and my case. Things were hard, but for once I felt good about myself.

Within a few months, I passed the GED exam. At first, I was very nervous because I felt that I was never good at taking tests. Passing the GED set a standard for me and gave me the confidence I needed for college. In the past, not I, my family nor anyone who knew me, could ever have imagined myself going to college.

It was very hard for me to adapt to the college environment at first. Being in prison only made things more difficult. It was even worse to overcome my fear of college and the deeply planted belief that I wasn't good at studying. I also had a lot of friends that didn't care about college and constantly ridiculed me. However, my false belief, my doubt, and the other obstacles were removed when I received my first "A." I loved the new feelings of self-pride and self-confidence. From then on, I would wake upp every morning to study. Best of all, I got rid of all my bad friends and strictly demanded of myself grades no lower than "A."

All my hard work, sacrifice, and efforts paid off. At college commencement, I received an honors award. It was the proudest day of my life. It was a moment that I wished everyone, especially my family, could see. I made it from an illiterate, low-life street gang member to a college honor student. I no longer wake up to waste time, but to enjoy a bright and meaningful day.

In conclusion, we sincerely pray that everyone will join Tzu Chi to make this a better world. Our advice to teens that are lost or in gangs: "You are who you associate with." Stay away from bad friends, or they will ruin your lives. I made many mistakes in my life and now I must face the consequences. Other youths that read this article may still have a chance. "What the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve." Believing in yourself and being determined is the key.

Johnny's Story and His Realization of Life

By Jane Kang
Translated by Kevin Shih

I have known Johnny for three years now. When he was seventeen, he and his friend David donated $100 to the New York Tzu Chi Foundation. In his letter, he wrote, "Although we cannot contribute much, we only wish to express our good intentions and give hope to the world." This was the first time my heart was touched by Johnny, and I began writing back letters of encouragement and warmth.

He has become a vegetarian and has started chanting sutras. He practices Zen by sitting cross-legged in quiet meditation to cleanse his mind and to realize the supreme essence of reality. His daily routine also includes reading the "Diamond Sutra," the "Great Mercy Mantra," and the "Earth Treasury Sutra." He has insisted that his daily routine not be disturbed. In a prison that cannot always provide vegetarian meals, Johnny sometimes eats only rice or bread. He practices mortification to repent and rid himself of his own sin.

Johnny works in the kitchen as a cook. Every day, he works for eight hours with an hourly wage of a little less than 25 cents. His donation of US$100-200 to Tzu Chi accounts for many hours of work and dedication. That's why I almost cry for him when I receive his checks. I'm happy to know that Johnny has realized his mistakes and I pray and thank Buddha and the bodhisattvas for their great mercy. It is true that Buddha and the bodhisattvas never give up on any lost soul.

This is the beginning of another life for Johnny. Let us give him our encouragement and our warm applause. I am happy to see Johnny rise from his mistakes and I just want him to know that I am very proud of him.