Mother was a typical traditional Chinese woman. She was quiet, very handy doing housework and always willing to help people. She wouldn't argue if someone took advantage of her or say bad things about other people behind their backs. Therefore, she gained the respect of all the neighbors. Furthermore, she taught her children by her good example, rather than just talking. She never laid a hand on us when we made mistakes, but would only explain things clearly to us.

After I became a nun, I didn't go home very often, but Mother still kept in close touch with me. When she came to Hualien, she usually gave me some coins she had saved so I could phone home. I gave away most of the coins in Mother's name and used the few left over to call her. From Master Cheng Yen's tapes, Mother later learnt how broad Tzu Chi's mission is. There were a lot of projects that hadn't been realized yet, so my mother decided to donate all her pocket money as well as her regular one-thousand-dollar monthly donation.

Mother was used to getting up very early, so when the Master called for environmental action to "Turn Garbage into Gold," she became very much involved. Last year, she started to pick up empty cans while doing her exercises in the morning. She washed them and asked my older sister to sell them for money to give to Tzu Chi. Even when Mother was in hospital, she was anxious to recover so that she could pick up more cans to help the Master aid people in need.

Facing the Next World With Buddhism

Mother came to Tzu Chi Hospital to have a hearing problem examined, and she stayed at the Abode for a few days. While we were taking our usual noon walk, she suddenly felt a pain on the right side of her stomach. We quickly went to the hospital. An examination found a nine-centimeter tumor in her liver. The doctor ordered her to be hospitalized immediately.

I was astonished. I could hardly believe it. Mother had always kept fit and healthy, other than a little high blood pressure that had been under control. After we learnt of her disease, we hid the truth from her in case she couldn't bear the sudden shock. Though I had realized Mother would die one day, I wasn't prepared for this suddenness and I wasn't willing to be separated from her. A few times I almost broke into tears in front of her, but I tried not to show any sorrow. I looked after her as usual.

After many tests, the doctor was sure the tumor was cancerous. I gradually came to accept this fact during the many exams. I was aware that life is filled with changes and I had learnt to adapt to the ways of life. I knew I could rely on Buddhism as my spiritual abode. I swore in front of Buddha that I would do my best to take care of people who needed help. I wanted to award the merits to Mother in order to relieve her pain, and I would even suffer her pain for her if I could.

During the time Mother was in the hospital, I told her some stories published in the "Tzu Chi Monthly" and "Tzu Chi Companion" to ease her stress and cheer her up. I didn't have any other thoughts; I only tried to please her and take good care of her.

Worried About Contributing Money

In October, we found the cancer had spread from the liver to the lymph glands. The doctors told us that we should prepare for Mother's funeral. In fact, I had known that we would face this issue sooner or later, but I just didn't expect it to happen so quickly! But since it had, we had to face it.

Even while Mother was sick, she still saved NT$30 in a can for Tzu Chi every day. One night she woke up and got out of bed to put the money in the can. My sister thought she didn't look very well and quickly asked if she was all right. Mother replied that she was perfectly fine and that she just wanted to put some money in the can. We were touched that she was worried about helping the Master even when she was sleeping.

During the time in the hospital, Mother often prayed to Buddha that she could go back to pick up more cans once her health got better. We could see her murmuring the sutras all the time with a devotion that I could hardly equal.

The Best Thing For Mother

Although we were devoted to Mother and gave her the best treatment possible, we knew that the only real way for her to be released from the chains of rebirth and death was for her to become Master Cheng Yen's follower. When we suggested that, she happily agreed because she respected the Master so much.

I mentioned that some Tzu Chi members donated their bodies and organs for medical research. I asked Mother if she would like to do this and she agreed. I told my sister that no matter how long Mother lived, we would try very hard to satisfy her material comforts. We should do something for her future lives, to cultivate her fortune and wisdom. We could help her be a follower of Buddha. We could also encourage her to donate not only money, but her body as well. This was the greatest deed of the bodhisattvas. Tzu Chi Hospital was a very holy place. It had memorial services twice a year for all those who donated their bodies. This was better than being cremated or buried. This kind of blessing was the best reward for Mother. My wise sister thoroughly approved of my idea, and conveyed the news to the rest of our family, who all accepted it.

Leaving While Chanting Sutras

On the morning of November 1, I went to wake Mother up to drink some milk as usual, but she seemed to be sleeping deeply, so I left her. After a while, we found she was in a coma and didn't have any strength to sit up. We quickly sent her by ambulance to the hospital, where she recovered consciousness. This time I told Master Cheng Yen that Mother wanted to be her follower. The Master agreed, so I got some of her tapes. The Master said on the tape, "Do you understand?" Mother listened attentively and said, "Yes, I do." We were so touched and joyful when we saw her speaking so humbly and sincerely.

On the morning of November 10, the Master came to the hospital especially to hold a ceremony for Mother to receive her into the Buddhist faith. The Master gave her the name Tzu Sheng ["Compassion Life"], hoping Mother would cultivate great compassion in the next life and come back to help more people. The Master told Mother to chant the sutras reverently and without doubts, so that she could go straight to heaven with a peaceful mind. The Master comforted both of my sisters and made them stop crying. They had to see this event as something entirely natural. If Mother saw us crying, she would leave the world very reluctantly.

Finally, one by one, we told Mother that we would look after each other. We also told Mother not to worry about us and said we would do our best. After that everybody sat next to the bed chanting sutras for her. Mother lay on the bed, chanting the sutras in peace.

Mother was obviously leaving. Each of my family went close to her and told her that her body was dying. We would donate it to Tzu Chi and the Master in order to save more lives. She should go to Buddha's place to gain a new body and come back to walk the Path of the Bodhisattvas. She could keep chanting sutras and we would be at her side all the time. Mother weakly said that she felt at peace.

Not long after, Mother's breath became weaker and weaker, until at 11:15 p.m. she stopped breathing and passed away in peace. Nobody lamented. There was only the sound of the sutras around her.

The Smile on Mother's Face

We sent Mother to the Chanting Room and kept chanting sutras in the quiet. While I chanted and watched Mother's face, I noticed that Mother's face had turned from dark to light, as if she were sleeping in peace with a smile. It was very beautiful.

I had helped chant sutras for others before, but it was the first time I had felt so pleasant and comfortable. Even the Tzu Chi brothers and sisters who came to help appreciated this scene. It was amazing to see that the more we chanted, the more we felt filled with Buddha's joy. Mother was very greatly rewarded: a continuous stream of people came to chant for her for about 12 hours.

When we sent Mother to the morgue for the autopsy, we were surprised to find that Mother's face was clearly smiling. By that time, people in my family were quite contented and didn't feel upset any more. We believed that Mother didn't want any of us to worry about her, and that was the reason why she smiled so contentedly.

Mother died very peacefully among the sounds of the sutras, dressed in neat clothes, and without any striking pain, which is truly unusual for liver cancer patients. The vice matron in the hospital said that this was the first time that she'd seen a liver cancer patient die in peace without pain. Coincidentally, the day of Mother's death was also the date of Kuan Yin's enlightenment, September 19 on the lunar calendar.

Treat All the Elderly As Our Own Parents

We arranged a simple funeral in order to save money which could be donated in Mother's name and put to better use in helping to save more lives. My family was very grateful to so many people who had cared for us and assisted with Mother's funeral, so they wholeheartedly agreed with my advice. The funds that had been prepared for the funeral were donated to charity. Furthermore, they ate only vegetarian food for 49 days to show their sincere filial piety to Mother.

Though I felt at ease about Mother's peaceful death, I was still very reluctant to live without her. But it would do me no good if I always missed her and got distressed. I decided to follow Master Cheng Yen's instructions and try to love all the elderly in the world in the same way I loved Mother. I resolved to recognize them as my own parents, care about them, and show compassion for them.

Gratitude For All the Help