In the past, she thought a slow man was boring; a quiet man didn't know how to please women, and a man who didn't smoke or drink was no fun. But aren't these the characteristics that women cherish most in a husband? The 'understanding' taught by Master Cheng Yen helped her rediscover her husband.

Noisy Divorce

Sister Wu Chen-hui, a little over 50, saw herself as having been a lovely, romantic extrovert since childhood. At the same time, she was quick-tempered, self-confident and commanding. Her husband, an engineer, was by nature a slow, silent sort and a hard worker. He would bury the frustrations of his job in his heart, but then when he came home, he would lose his temper over any little thing. Without good communication skills, their different characters were bound to create friction.

Somebody has suggested that children are the adhesive tape of marriage. But this was not the case with Chen-hui and her husband. Their arguments got worse day by day, and they even used violence against each other. For this odd couple, a single spark could start a prairie fire, matters like the children's education, disposal of money and snoring at night. Regretting she had married the wrong man, she took a trunk with her, rented an apartment in the neighborhood and led an independent life. Her children lived with her ex-husband but always had breakfast and dinner with her.

After the divorce, Chen-hui wanted to make a lot of money. She became a "manager" of a hotel. Dressed in gorgeous attire, she looked really glamorous. Because the hotel engaged in some underground sex business, a manager also had to serve as a makeshift pimp. Socializing among hookers and brothel patrons, her tips were very handsome. However, as the saying goes, "Easy come, easy go." In those five or six years, she had numerous rubber checks, robberies and thefts.

From Manager to Cleaning Woman

As Chen-hui approached middle age, she accumulated a lot of daily experience, and the independence and freedom brought about by her divorce had lost their luster. At a time when she realized that her oldest daughter was growing up, she felt guilty about her role as a pimp.

Just at this point, when she was trying to find a way to climb out of the abyss, someone came to ask her for donations. "Could you contribute one hundred dollars [US$4] each month to help us do good deeds?"

"I could do something good for only one hundred dollars? That's easy!" Chen-hui contributed one hundred dollars on the spot. The next day, she remitted a whole year's membership fee to the Tzu Chi Foundation. Furthermore, she started to solicit contributions among the call girls at the hotel. Finding her new adventure very exciting, she unconsciously began to walk on the Buddhist path. Once she drew nearer to Buddhist teachings, she felt deeply ashamed of the sex business. So, she resolved to start all over again.

Buddhism stresses moral cultivation. In order to refine her character, she set aside her beautiful dresses and worked as a cleaning woman at the hotel. She changed bedsheets all day long. Although she worked harder than before, her income plummeted. Nevertheless, she persisted.

Discovering Her Husband Through Understanding

As a divorcee, Chen-hui paid particular attention to Master Cheng Yen's instructions on family: "You should first take good care of your own family members." This reminded Chenhui of the marriage that she herself had wrecked. She began to do some soul-searching about her defects. The word "understanding" taught by the Master helped her rediscover her husband.

"In the past, I thought a slow man was boring, a quiet man didn't know how to please women, and a man who didn't smoke or drink was no fun. But looking back, aren't these the characteristics that women cherish most in a husband? Once you know your mistakes, you can correct them. I decided to win back my husband."

Because they had fought so bitterly before their divorce, neither Chen-hui nor her ex-husband had dared to marry again. "Heaven provided me with a chance to repair my marriage and cultivate my morality," she said. "I decided I shouldn't waste any more time." First, she asked her daughter and relatives, including her father-in-law and mother-in-law, to talk to her ex-husband. However, no matter how hard they tried, he did not respond.

Cleaning Up the Heart

"The one who started the trouble should be responsible for removing it." One day, Chen-hui finally got the courage to ring the bell of her former home. When her father-in-law opened the door, he immediately invited her to enter. The house where she had lived some ten years before looked like a garbage dump. Overwhelmed with mixed feelings, she burst into tears.

"It's all my fault," she apologized to her father-in-law. She immediately rolled up her sleeves and started to clean up the house. In two hours, she gathered three bags of garbage. "I've not only cleaned up the house, but also my heart," she said.

Then she began to prepare dinner. When the meal was about ready, her ex-husband returned home from work. As soon as he saw her, he turned and left the house. He preferred to eat at a restaurant than see her.

Chen-hui was not discouraged. She put the hot food, cooked rice and chopsticks on the table, letting her children dine with her father-in-law when they returned from school. Then she returned quietly to her own apartment.

From that time on, she brought fresh food to their house every afternoon. After cleaning up the house and preparing the meal, she would return to her apartment for her own meals.

At first, her ex-husband would work late at the office, attempting to avoid her. When they happened to run into each other, she always greeted him first. He would either use a newspaper to hide his face or respond coldly. It was really embarrassing for Chen-hui. During this time, she endured her frustrations, because she believed that her perseverance would repay the wrongdoings of her past.

Two months later, her son gave her NT$2,000 [US$80], saying, "Daddy gave you this money to buy the groceries." After that, her ex-husband returned home for dinner after work.

Half a year later, when he built a bedroom for his father, Chen-hui contributed NT$200,000 [US$8,000] for the construction. When her father-in-law moved into the new room, her husband finally acknowledged her sincerity and decided to remarry her.

Marriage Restored

Chen-hui's husband was still the same, but since she felt grateful to him, she could now understand and tolerate his words and actions. The more she looked at him, the more she liked him.

This change, however, was mutual. Despite his introverted, quiet personality, her husband told me that Chen-hui had become wiser and more capable since joining Tzu Chi. He did not try to hide his own defects either. "In the past, my workload was very heavy. When I returned home, I felt really tired. At that time when I heard Chen-hui chattering away, I couldn't control myself. In the past, I didn't do any household chores."

"What household chores do you do for her now?" I asked.

"Sometimes, I wash my own bowl."

He only washes his own bowl? However, Chen-hui was greatly moved, saying that he had made a lot of progress!