"My child is retarded, what can I do?" To help many families resolve this question, Tzu Chi is making strenuous efforts to build a Disabled Children's Rehabilitation Center, which will provide adequate medical care and recreation for handicapped children.

The following stories describe the psychological progress of the mothers of five disabled children. The strength that supports the mothers in surmounting this long, torturous path is their unselfish love towards their children.

Hoping to Find a Good Doctor

Not every family with a handicapped child is depressed. The mother of twins peacefully relates the story of her younger daughter.

When I had been pregnant for more than seven months, I delivered twins by cesarean section. When the twins were seven or eight months old, the older sister could sit and climb, but the younger sister could make no such movements. We noticed that the younger sister acted strangely, but no doctor ever told me she suffered from cerebral palsy. Even computerized tomographic scanning could not detect the disorder. I suspected my daughter had cerebral palsy from the books I read and the information provided by others. Later, the rehabilitation therapist confirmed this. We joined the Association of Cerebral Palsy and took our daughter to do rehabilitation exercises.

The rehabilitation department changed staff workers frequently and there were no long-term, systematic rehabilitation plans. Sometimes, the same exercises were repeated. The children made little progress. They became enraged and refused to do the exercises.

Although my daughter is physically handicapped, she has a good memory and is good at language. Once I wanted to send her to a kindergarten, but later I had to give up the idea because she had to depend on some supporting devices for walking. I was afraid that other children might push her.

Special education teachers usually attach great importance to mentally retarded children. Hence, I really don't know how to take care of my physically handicapped daughter or where the best place to send her is. Therefore, I hope there will be a hospital that combines children's education and medical care and rehabilitation. At such a hospital, I could both accompany my daughter and also learn some rehabilitation techniques to help her.

Not Enough Rehabilitation Centers

Mothers of handicapped children sometimes blame the doctors for not telling them how to take care of their children. Doctors and nurses have the responsibility of informing parents of their children's growth and taking necessary preventive measures so as to avoid delaying medical treatment and missing the optimum period of cure and rehabilitation.

My child was normal at the time of birth. When he was a little over one year old, he was admitted to the hospital because of a cold. On the third day, his consciousness became blurred and he seemed to be almost in a coma. He was then transferred to the intensive care ward of another hospital. During this period, he was frequently seized by cramps. Once during a fit of cramps, the oxygen supply to his brain was cut off and he was unable to see anything. At that time, the doctor warned me that we had to decide if we wanted to save the child. If we did and everything went well, the child would be fine. But there were ample chances to develop complications that could lead to the child becoming mentally retarded. I couldn't give up and I asked the doctor to save him. In the second month after his discharge from the hospital, he was seized by epilepsy. No medicine could control the disease. The doctor then diagnosed cerebral palsy.

I understood early treatment was very important to the child. For instance, what takes three days to learn now might take three years to learn later. Therefore, I was diligent in taking my child to do rehabilitation exercises. It was rather expensive. Each time, the taxi fares might amount to NT$500 or $600. Some people suggested that I apply for a Manual for the Disabled (a handbook which lists privileges and special rights of the handicapped in Taiwan) and then we might receive benefits for my disabled child. But I felt if I applied for the manual, it was tantamount to declaring a death sentence for my child. I struggled bitterly over this matter for some time.

I have been longing to find a rehabilitation therapist to help my son do rehabilitation exercises at home. My son is familiar with the environment at home and will have no fear, whereas at the hospital he becomes afraid and distressed. Besides, I myself may also learn some nursing techniques. There seem to be no communication channels between doctors and therapists. Nor is there any rehabilitation system. There are very few rehabilitation centers in Taiwan. The time given to us for rehabilitation is very precious. At the beginning, we were allotted two times a week to do rehabilitation exercises. But when my child had an epilepsy attack, he would miss the time allotted him. The rehabilitation therapist would say that many children had come all the way from Southern Taiwan to do rehabilitation exercises. She said that I should not take up any more time: cure the epilepsy first and let other children do the exercises. Therefore, I stopped taking him to rehabilitation practices.

I'm a member of the Tzu Chi Foundation. Although my economic status is not good, I have done my best to help. Sometimes I read in "Tzu Chi Monthly" of people who are less fortunate than me, and then I lose all self-pity. I'm very glad to learn that Tzu Chi will build a disabled children's rehabilitation center. I pray that these handicapped children may soon enjoy Tzu Chi's blessings.

The Most Cherished Member of Our Family

Rather than being gloomy and depressed, this mother overcame the shadow cast by her child's retardation to create happiness unique to a family with a handicapped child.

My son was born two months prematurely. Due to inadequate emergency facilities, his brain was temporarily deprived of oxygen. Computerized tomographic scanning found that his brain had not developed normally.

I shall always remember my husband returning home and crying bitterly, because we had been expecting this child for a long, long time. The doctor told us that such a child would be severely handicapped and would have to be cared for like a vegetable. Although my husband was dejected and could not accept this reality, my first thought was of how we could help the child. I thought that for the rest of my life, I would have to devote my heart and energy to taking care of this disabled child.

One doctor told me that despite the degree of disability, each child has his natural gifts and potential. The potential of the handicapped child can be developed only when his parents do their best to teach him, love him and care for him. These remarks have become the inspiration that drives us to take care of our child. I began to take my son to rehabilitation exercises. I consoled my husband and helped him accept the fact, and got the whole family to do rehabilitation exercises together.

In the first couple of years, my son moved slowly due to his poor vision. He could not talk at the age of three. Therefore, we would play children's songs and stories on the cassette recorder at our home whenever he was awake. When we changed his clothes, fed him or played with him, we would talk to him continuously, telling him about various colors, shapes, directions, voices, actions, nouns, the people surrounding him and what they were doing. Although he usually made no response, I would tirelessly do my best to continue, using the knowledge I had obtained from books or classes.

The doctor saw my son again when he was a little over two. He said with surprise that it was a miracle. My son's performance was much better than the doctor had expected. It was also proof of the positive effects of rehabilitation.

When my son and I were walking in the park, I often heard people talking behind our backs: "Look at this child. What happened to his feet? Is his brain good?" Some people would say that we had such a child because we had done something evil in our previous lives. Because I heard too many such voices, I began to wonder whether this was in fact the effect of evil things I had done in my previous life. The criticisms and pressures from the general public made my efforts to raise my handicapped son many times more difficult.

Our son's progress encouraged us. I would count the numbers from one to one hundred each time I did a foot massage for the child. One day when my son was a little over two years old, I started to count, "one..." He continued for me, "two, three..." Then we counted to one hundred together.

Many people have contributed to the growth of my son. Although the doctor deemed it a miracle, I believe it was the result of the assistance provided by many people, including the doctor, the special education teacher, the rehabilitation technician and the parents of other handicapped children who enthusiastically provided their experience.

My son is the most cherished member of our family. From his grandparents to his parents to his uncles and aunts, all of us love him. I don't want to worry too much. I'll do what I can and leave the problems behind in the past. I'll help him and love him in the future. I'll keep him clean and happy and loved by other people. I'll have no other expectations.

I hope there will be an adequate environment for the growth and education of handicapped children, so that my child's miracle can bloom in other children who have the same misfortune.

Struggling Together With the Child

To take care of her handicapped child, this mother has devoted all her time and energy to finding ways to solve the problems of her son's medical treatment and schooling.

When my son was five and a half months old, I took him to see a doctor for his epilepsy. No one had ever told me my son suffered from cerebral palsy. It was not until he was two years old that his disease was diagnosed. The medical circle in Taiwan does not attach much importance to this disease. In fact, many other families are affected by cerebral palsy. Some of them were discouraged by the negative remarks of nurses at the hospital and gave up the rehabilitation therapy for the children.

Both my husband and I are Protestants. Our religion gave us great spiritual support. We were unlike some mothers who, thinking that a child's defects were caused by karmic hindrances, would pray before the Buddha and burn some paper money.

A couple may quarrel at times. But for the child's sake, we became more mature and rational and we learned to compromise. We have reached a consensus: to struggle together with the child. Hence, our affection has grown greater than ever. For the sake of our child, we have established contact with other families and friends with handicapped children. Therefore, we have more chances to know many people.

Our child enlarged our world view. Our oldest daughter is now six years old. She used to ask what happened to her older brother. I told her that he was not ready to grow up and that she had to protect him. She understands better now, and I'll let her know more later on in her life. Our parents are not getting any younger and I go back to see them whenever I have the time. Except for these visits, I seldom have the time to go out, nor do I have the time to contact schoolmates or friends. I don't even have time to attend class reunion parties. Nor do I want to join these activities because no one understands our plight. Attending these activities may make me feel bad.

I'm satisfied with my current life and I have no special desires. So far I think my life is more fortunate than many others, and therefore I only wish to express my gratitude to the Lord.

A Child's Sickness Is Hard on a Family

The mother of this story is glad to learn that finally there are people who have begun to pay attention to parents of handicapped children. A retarded child may affect a family or even trigger a marriage crisis.

My second son was born in the seventh month of pregnancy, two months premature. At the time of his birth, he was very small and I worried very much about his health. At that time, none of the doctors or nurses told me that a premature child whose oxygen supply was temporarily cut off could have many complications. When the baby was several months old, I realized that his progress differed from that of his older brother. When I took him to the doctor for a physical checkup, I asked the doctor if he was normal. The doctor said that the growth of a premature child was usually slower. He told me not to be so anxious. He kept on saying the same thing until the child was one year old. Later, a doctor at the Family Medicine Department told me to see a rehabilitation therapist. It was not until this time that it was confirmed that my son was retarded.

Our family life has been greatly affected by this child. To be frank, raising this child is very, very difficult. Especially at our economic level, we cannot afford it. What I earn is spent on this child. Now that he is attending kindergarten, I have to take him to rehabilitation exercises at the rehabilitation center after work in the evening and hire a tutor to teach him and help him do his rehabilitation work at home at night.

To tell the truth, I am indebted to his older brother and his younger sister, because since finding out my second child had problems, I have no longer been able to spend any time or energy on them. On the other hand, his younger sister has become highly independent. She does all her chores by herself. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise.

The heavy workload imposed on my husband and me has cut away our time together. This has had an impact on our relationship as a loving husband and wife. My husband almost wanted to divorce me when we were going through this situation.