He never thought that he would get liver cancer, for he wasn't an alcoholic, nor had he had hepatitis before. He worried about his business and family and thought of many things that needed to be done. "I have never done anything wrong," he cried, "Why me?" It suddenly occurred to me that life is so impermanent and ephemeral.

Taking Notes About His Condition

In the ward one afternoon, I met a patient. He looked fairly well and I was astonished to find out that he was undergoing treatment for liver cancer for the fifth time. Based on my previous experiences, I never say the word "cancer" to patients, because most of them initially deny that they have this incurable disease. To my surprise, as I talked to him, he took out a notebook in which he had registered the details of his physical condition, including a detailed list of liver functions, alpha-Fetoprotein index, numbers of painkillers, etc.

In June 1994, he found himself losing appetite and weight. Six months later, it turned out that he had liver cancer. Since then he has been very strong and brave. Now, he must be hospitalized every other month to receive treatment. He is one of the few who never skips treatments and follow-up care. Indeed, he looks at the bright side of his condition. I was impressed with his attitude and determination.

Facing Reality

It is very cruel for a person when he first finds out that he has cancer, not to mention that he must endure long, hopeless, painful treatments. How many can fight to the end with so little hope?

He told me, with tears in his eyes, that at first he was in a state of denial, depression and anger. It was hard for him to accept the fact that he had cancer. He went to see any doctors that friends recommended to him, no matter how far away they were, but the diagnosis was always the same.

He never thought that it would happen to him, for he was not an alcoholic, nor had he had hepatitis before. It was only that he was losing appetite and weight and got tired easily, and nobody thought it was cancer. He worried about his business and family and thought of many things that needed to be done. "I've never done anything wrong," he cried. "Why me?"

It is so hard for anyone like him, at the height of his career, to take such a terrible blow. It suddenly occurred to me that life is so impermanent and ephemeral. The closer one is to death, the less one can let go of, and the less strength one has to hold on to the present.

Taking Life Bravely

He came to Tzu Chi Hospital just to see if they could do anything. With the support of his wife and daughter, he overcame his mental obstacles and started to receive a series of treatments. After the first treatments, everything else was easier to endure. He was willing to do anything as long as there was hope. On the advice of his doctors, he relaxed as much as he could, even entrusting his business to others. I was deeply moved by his courage to face death and his thirst for life.

I believe that people must have the potential strength to tide them over whenever life is hard. In one year, the patient has gained four kilos of weight, though his liver functions are not as good as we had hoped. Fortunately, he still has an optimistic attitude and the courage to take what life gives him.