When Cheng Heng-sheng was 20 years old, his eyesight suddenly became blurred. The world he can see has narrowed down to a circle a few inches away, like the fragmented images inside a kaleidoscope. He has learned to live with the illness, found his values in life, and acted on them. Helen Keller's words, "Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow," have helped Cheng improve his life.

On a quiet morning, warm sunlight filters through the window lattice. Cheng Heng-sheng opens his eyes and looks sleepily at the moving shadows. He guesses it's a sunny day.

Even on the weekend, he still wakes up at 5 a.m. After doing his exercises, he fumbles about in the kitchen of his factory dormitory for cooking utensils and cooks noodles and vegetables for breakfast. The sunlight is bright enough that he can barely recognize things a few inches away.

Today he takes the bus from the factory in Huatan to his home in Hsilo, Changhua County, central Taiwan. He walks out of the dormitory and waits for the bus at the roadside. Although it is only about 30 kilometers (18 miles) to Hsilo, he usually has to wait three hours for the bus. Buses tend to leave without him because he can't tell where the bus stops. When he is about to ask, the bus has already left.

Cheng has to wait for some kind person to help him get on the bus. When he gets on, he doesn't dare to sit down because he can't see if there is an empty seat.

This is all he can see, like the colorful but dim world inside a kaleidoscope.

An unclear world, an unclear future

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.
--Helen Keller

When Cheng was three years old, his father ran away from home. Cheng's mother and grandmother told him that his father liked to smoke, drink, and womanize. He recalls that his mother was always sweating profusely whenever she came back home from a hard day's work, but she never complained.

His mother was illiterate. To support the family, she pulled passengers in a pedicab for over 10 years, until she was too old. She harvested rice and did all kinds of manual jobs. She also earned money by squatting in the courtyard of their house and peeling fruit, yams and squashes for neighbors. She often did such work until midnight to earn a little money for the family.

When Cheng graduated from junior high school, his mother told him to find a job if he wanted to continue studying. Therefore, he studied and worked part time to finish high school. When he was 20 years old, he went to a night school and worked during the day. His supervisor liked him very much, and it seemed that he would start a new life. But Behcet's disease slowly began to creep into him.

This disease is a rare, chronic inflammatory disorder, which causes ulcers in the mouth and eye inflammation. Cheng's skin itched and became swollen, his joints became so arthritic that he could barely walk, and his mouth, stomach, and intestines had so many ulcers that he had problems eating and drinking... There were problems all over his body and new problems appeared every day.

Cheng once won second place in a sketching contest at school and he had hoped to become a substitute teacher and start drawing again. But as he said, "I couldn't even see my own fingers right in front of me! I had to give up my studies and my job!"

From having everything to losing everything, despair gnawed at him. Whatever he saw was like a piece of a torn jigsaw puzzle. He couldn't see the world clearly, nor could he see his future. He had to put aside his dreams and stay at home.

Home and work

One would be fortunate to be deaf or blind for a moment, because darkness allows one to understand light and silence allows one to appreciate the beauty of sound.
--Helen Keller

The sudden attack of the disease made him very moody. He flared up easily and often threw things around. His mother always stayed by him silently and never scolded him, but she shed tears in secret.

Cheng once had a little pet bird. When it died, he cried very hard and his mother also wept, but she said to him, "Don't cry, you have to be strong..."

After two years of rest, Cheng's eyesight improved a little, so he went out and found a job. However, his body couldn't take the stress, and in less than a month his eyes were suffering again.

"At that time, I wanted to keep my job because I didn't want other people to find out that I couldn’t see clearly." He didn't dare to go to the toilet all day long, and he got bruises from bumping into things. The machine that he operated in the factory, running at a temperature of 180 degrees Celsius (356；), often burned him. Still, the company manager found out his problem and decided to fire him.

Cheng implored the manager to let him work so that he could support himself. The manager was kind enough and assigned him to work at another job. His colleagues were also very helpful, and he could see the silver lining again.

Zero and one philosophy

"Confidence is the lord of one's fate."
--Helen Keller

When the bus arrives in Hsilo, Cheng often gets off at the wrong stop because he can't see where he is, and he doesn't check with the driver either. The stop where he gets off may be just one stop away from his home, but he still needs to walk one or two hours before reaching home.

Walking down the street, he worries about falling into the gutter or being hit by a car. At night, everything before him is completely dark, which makes him feel disconsolate. He encourages himself while walking, "The biggest mistake in one's life is giving up on oneself. No matter how hard my life is, I will always work in the factory." When he finally reaches home, tears roll down his face. Are they tears of sadness or happiness?

Except for his work, Cheng's world is completely sealed off, but he has learned much from "talking books" about keeping healthy. He eats a vegetarian diet, meditates, jogs (if there is enough light, he can see just well enough to be able to jog), and uses traditional Chinese medicine. He does all this to reduce the stress on his body. He doesn't eat anything greasy, spicy or salty. He doesn't put seasonings in his food and only eats noodles and boiled vegetables that he grows.

He said that when he started eating unseasoned food, he couldn't even swallow the tasteless stuff. He asked himself if he wanted to stay hungry or give up. If he gave up on the vegetarian diet, he would be giving up his life. So he waited until he was so hungry that he was able to eat the plain food. "My mom said that I used to be a very picky eater, but now I can eat even this bland food."

Cheng cooks his own food. From cooking to eating, he completes the process by fumbling with his hands. Although he often cuts his fingers while cutting vegetables and fruit, he often tells himself, "I need to be independent!"

After several years, he is now able to control his body's condition. He uses the most natural ways so that there will be no side effects and so he can reduce the damage inflicted by the disease on his body. His body is able to take a break.

Reviving from his illness, Cheng developed a "Zero and One Philosophy." He points out that if being healthy is "1," his mother is "0," and his family is "0," then he has "100" when all these are put together. If he has one more house, the house would be "0" and he would have "1,000." If he can marry and have children, these will help him to have "10,000," "100,000"... But without his health ("1"), he would still be a zero, no matter what else he has.

Realizing that health is everything, he tries to nurture his body and become healthier.

If you can help others, you are blessed

When one door of happiness closes, another opens.
--Helen Keller

Five years ago, Cheng was encouraged by his colleagues to attend a reading club for the blind, where he learned to read Braille. There he noticed that many blind people were very independent and had strong willpower and vitality. He also saw that many volunteers were helping the blind. All this moved him deeply and helped open up a new chapter in his life.

"At the reading club, I realized the meaning of the saying, 'It's more blessed to give than to receive.' These people allowed me to understand the meaning of gratitude and unselfish giving." He also comprehended that the value of one's life lies not in its length, but in one's good intentions in offering to help people in need.

Helen Keller's words like, "Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow" and "Confidence is the lord of one's fate" are his favorite mottoes. He hopes he can be like her someday and be self-reliant and capable of helping other blind people.

Cheng got in touch with several charity groups. Tzu Chi has touched him the most. He remembers that he was once in a car with some Tzu Chi volunteers. They saw someone throw litter from the window of a very expensive sedan that drove by. Volunteer Chen Yuan-chou sighed and said, "What a shame! That guy drives such an expensive sedan but disgraces himself by throwing garbage out!"

Cheng agreed with Chen's words, but a few minutes later when he was about to throw a plum seed out the window, Chen immediately reached out a hand and took the seed.

Cheng remarked that after joining Tzu Chi, the volunteers' sincerity touched him the most. They are very kind to him and always put more food in his bowl than in their own.

Give with your body, humble yourself

"Raise the candle higher to bring light to others."
--Helen Keller

After a major earthquake hit Taiwan on September 21, 1999, Cheng worked with Chen to help rebuild schools damaged in the earthquake. He also participated in recycling work.

In the beginning, his body couldn't handle the workload. His whole body ached when he went home, and his eyes suffered from ulcers for several days. Chen remarked that Cheng kept working because of his strong willpower.

When Cheng started the recycling work, his eyes didn't allow him to work efficiently. Some people even asked among themselves, "Why does this guy wear sunglasses all the time and never greet us?" This upset Cheng a lot.

Once the others learned of Cheng's handicaps, they all volunteered to help him. They taught him many things: "Aluminum cans can be flattened down but metal cans can’t; plastic bottles feel different..."

After getting used to the environment at the recycling station, Cheng became more efficient and now he likes the work. On recycling days, which fall on the first Sunday of every month, he sits in the truck with volunteers as the truck goes from street to street collecting recyclable materials. Rain or shine, he has done the work for three years.

Cheng said that even though he can't see clearly, he still follows the volunteers wherever they go and does whatever they do. There may be some frustrations for him along the way, but he always reminds himself not to be too concerned about how much he can do; the physical labor helps calm the disturbances in his heart. He may be tired from the work, but he believes that putting up with it helps cultivate his patience.

Mother and son

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart.
--Helen Keller

Cheng told us, "I have two needles: one is in my heart and the other behind me. If I listen with my heart, I can hear the sound of a needle dropping to the ground. The other needle is my illness urging me to seize every moment and advance forward. If I'm slow, it will stick me from behind."

Cheng's experiences in doing volunteer work and studying the Buddha's teachings allowed him to repent of his past disrespect for his mother. They have also made him to view his illness with gratitude, and he is now more mindful of the beautiful things in life.

When his grandmother passed away, his father didn't come home for the funeral; however, he returned 20 years after he had left home. No one in the family wanted to accept him. However, Cheng said that he had experienced hardship in his own life and was able to forgive his father, so he permitted his father to share his own room with him.

At the beginning of this year, his father broke a leg in a car accident. Cheng changed his work schedule and traveled constantly between the hospital and the factory. He also spent every weekend with his father in the hospital. He said, "I'm glad that I entered Tzu Chi, so I knew how to face him."

His mother, on the other hand, had buried her own hardships over the years and her feeling of being abandoned by his father deep in her heart. She said nothing about her husband's return, and she simply treated him as a stranger who didn't pay the rent. However, she was touched by Cheng's show of filial piety and decided to follow suit. When Cheng's father was discharged from the hospital, she told Cheng, "Just go back to work, I'll take care of him." This simple remark dissolved the hatred she had had towards him for the past 20 years.

From worries to peace of mind

All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming.
--Helen Keller

The flavor of my life is different from other people's,
Normal people would not be able to bear it;
Now I can smile at the way I am in this life,
And look forward to how I will be in my next life.

Cheng wrote this poem for himself after he started doing volunteer work. He wants to remind himself that because of the way he is in this lifetime, he has to be more optimistic.

Cheng pointed out that our lives are like a marathon and we need to have the spirit of an athlete. If we can't run to the end, we at least have to walk or even crawl to finish the race. He had thought of committing suicide, but it was his mother who helped him overcome his dark period. Therefore, he does his best to make his mother happy.

To put her mind at ease, Cheng invites his friends to his home. "Mom, look! I have so many friends looking after me! They're here to enjoy your good cooking." His mother smiles happily and says modestly, "You're just saying all these nice things!"

Now able to give with a positive attitude, Cheng shares with his mother whatever he sees or hears at Tzu Chi. "After everything I've gone through and learned, I've gradually realized the meaning of life. I share it with my mom and she always listens to me quietly."

Having walked through darkness in his life and become steeped in Buddhism, Cheng felt sorry about his mother's life-long hardships. He invited her to read Buddhist sutras together with him to open their minds.

"I'm illiterate," his mother objected. "How can I read?" Cheng read out the sutras from his Braille books and recorded them on audio tape. Then he asked a nephew to write the sutras down in words the size of one's hand, so that he would be able to recognize the words before his eyes and thus be able to teach his mother.

Cheng taught his mother to read the Heart Sutra and explained the meaning word by word. She said, "I'm wiser now. I understand this sutra better and I can even read it."

Cheng explained to his mother the meaning of the Twelve Linked Karmic Causes: "I may be your son only for this lifetime. In the cycle of reincarnation, one rarely gets the chance to learn about Buddhism. So I hope you can learn about it in this lifetime and plant the seed of goodness in your heart because I may not have the chance in the next life..." His mother shed tears when she heard this. She never realized that her son had become so understanding and mature.

It warms his mother's heart that Cheng, who once made her so worried, has become so confident since joining Tzu Chi and learning Buddhism.

Both of them sit in the living room. One is illiterate and one is blind, but they guide each other and read the sutras word by word...

Cheng wakes up at 5 a.m. and does some exercise before having breakfast and going to work. He returns to his dormitory at 7 p.m. He then listens to "talking books" and meditates. In his free time, he does volunteer work. When there is no volunteer work on the weekend, he takes the bus home to stay with his family. His life has become bright and independent.

His mother sometimes worries about him doing volunteer work: "Are you able to take on such heavy work?" Cheng said that his life was more relaxed in the past, but he didn't enjoy it. His current life is busier, but also more authentic.

He told his mother that because of his illness, he understands hardship better. He received care from other people in the past, but now he can help other people, which is a kind of blessing.

"Work willingly and receive the results joyfully." This saying of Master Cheng Yen's has become Cheng's pet phrase. He tries to stand in other people's shoes. He hopes that people who are trapped in their difficulties will be able to emerge from their hardships. People who are able to see tend to become more fragile when they run into problems. "I hope my own story can encourage them to learn to give and help others."

The dark, secluded days are in the past. The sunlight makes him sweat, but also brightens up his life.

Cheng still misses his bus from time to time. He still doesn's know where he can sit on the bus. He sometimes runs into homeless people who ask him for money, but he gives them some money and tells them his own story to encourage them.

When he gets off the bus and walks home, he finds his mother still squatting in the front yard and peeling fruit and vegetables, like long ago when Cheng was 20 years old. But this time, Cheng has put down his pain and picked up his brush to start painting a bright future for himself.